


Saw You In A Dream

by theIronStark3000



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic Tony Stark, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Dysfunctional Family, Family Issues, Healing, Hurt Steve Rogers, Kid Peter Parker, M/M, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark Friendship (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker & Morgan Stark are Siblings (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Post-Divorce, Postpartum Depression, Protective Bucky Barnes, Recovery, Reunions, Same-Sex Marriage, Stark Industries, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has A Heart, War Veteran Bucky Barnes, War Veteran Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:28:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24885343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theIronStark3000/pseuds/theIronStark3000
Summary: Tony Stark celebrates his second year sober. Steve Rogers walks their daughter to her first day of pre-school. After three years apart, their lives collide in a coffee shop. Can Tony and Steve come back together as a family again?
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Comments: 4
Kudos: 79





	1. A Chance Meeting

Tony groans as his alarm goes off. He's never been a morning person. He contemplates going back to bed, but doesn't want to face Pepper's wrath. The genius rolls over, stretches, and sets both feet on the floor. The green digital outline of his alarm clock glare back at him, "Happy second sobriety birthday to me." , Tony whispers on his breath. Part of him is proud, it wasn't easy to conquer his alcoholism. Yet his heart aches, an emptiness settled there when he woke up after a drunken stupor to find his children and husband gone. Steve left a note, and the divorce papers arrived in the mail weeks later.

Morgan would've just turned three, and Peter would be almost twelve years old. All he has is the photo of his family on his nightstand: Steve is laughing holding a squishy newborn Morgan, and Peter sits on Tony's shoulders. Steve looks young, lighter, happy, not like the sad, desperate, hurt shell of a man he became when he left. Tony reminds himself that he was a functional alcoholic then. It's unclear to Tony whether he was genuinely happy or buzzed when he held his daughter for the first time.

Tony doesn't like to wallow in his sadness, he pulls himself up and showers. He cries in the shower knowing his own destructive behaviors cost him the best part of his life. Tony was never able to make attends to Steve when he completed AA. None of his friends have seen Steve and the children since they left three years ago. Most of their friends left when Steve did, leaving Tony with Happy, Rhodes, and Pepper as his support system. God, he doesn't deserve them either. 

He dresses himself in a black ACDC t-shirt, dark wash jeans, and a pair of sneakers. Before Tony leaves the house, he grabs his two years sobriety chip and puts it in his pocket. He meets Happy outside his Manhattan apartment. He will be meeting Pepper in Brooklyn for a meeting about recruiting a new robotics engineer. Of course, Pepper didn't tell him, they're already meet before. 

"Happy 2nd Sobriety birthday, boss.", Happy grins opening the door open for him. 

"Thank you, Happy."

As soon as Tony settles in the backseat, Happy seems to be able to gauge his mood.

"You see solemn this morning,boss."

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Of course."

"Would you stop for a cup of coffee?"

"Where, sir?"  
  


"Shield coffee. It's on the way."

"Sure."

Tony uses the silence to fiddle on his Starkpad. He tinkers with the blue prints of a new product line trying to keep his mind busy, but still wonders how things might be different. Within thirty-five minuets, Happy arrives outside Shield Coffee and parks the car on the side of the street. Tony gets out of the car, and makes his away down the side walk to the coffee shop. As he stands in line looking over the menu when Tony feels his breath taken from him by a familiar sight of a blond man. 

Steve looked so happy in his apron, taking orders and interacting with customers until he saw Tony. His blue eyes quickly become troubled, and sad, as he quickly whispers to a colleague. A young blond man takes over, his name tag reads, "Pietro." Pietro takes Tony's order, and Tony can feel the weight of the young man's questions glaring between him and Steve. 

Tony settles at a table while he waits for his coffee to be made. Tears prick at his eyes as he catches a glance at Steve again. Steve is wrangling a beautiful dark haired toddler who is wearing an outer space t-shirt, leggings and converse. Morgan is about as big as the backpack she wears. Beside her, an older boy, Peter, he must recognize Tony, seeing how his entire body language changes. Peter is tall and lanky, he is no longer a little boy. Morgan is unaffected but Steve's skittish nerves, and Peter clinging to Steve's side. Steve brushes a tear from his eye, and presses a kiss against Peter's forehead. Tony can't make out what Steve whispers to him.

Tony doesn't move from his chair until Pietro calls his name, He tips Pietro and accepts his cup of coffee. He takes a sip of his coffee, his eyes widen. It's a wonderful, almost magic blend. The artistic foam of a flower is beautiful. The muffin is savory, yet sweet and salty. A young woman who was waiting tables stops him before he makes it back to where he had been siting.

Her name tag reads, Wanda and she whispers to Tony, "You are to leave here and never come back. Understood?" 

"Yes, ma'm.", Tony whispers. 

"His heart was broken once. No need to put him through this again."

"Understood."

"Good. Otherwise, I'd call security."

  
"Thank you for the coffee."

"Of course. It's our pleasure."

Tony watches as for the second time in his life as Steve, Morgan, and Peter walk out the door. He high tails out of the coffee shop, he barely makes it outside before he's puking in the alley Tony can feel his pulse quickening, he is dangerously close to having a panic attack. Happy finds him in the alley way wiping vomit off his mouth with his hand. What are the chances that Tony ran into Steve and the kids on his second sobriety birthday.

"What's wrong, Tony?"

  
  
"I can't breathe."

"Hold on." 

Happy helps Tony to the bench, reminding him to breathe. 

Tony's eyes are wide in panic, "I saw him, Happy."

  
"Who did you see?"

  
"I saw Steve, Peter, and Morgan."

"Oh. Boss."

"Don't tell anyone, understood?"

"Understood."

"God, I'm so stupid."

"Why?"

"Shield Coffee? No wonder, I was drawn to it. Damn it, I shouldn't have come here."

"You didn't know."

"But I should've."

"Don't beat yourself up."

"I deserve it, Hap. I torn our lives apart."

"You are working hard very day to become a better man."

"Does it matter if I'll never be able to make it up to the people I love most in the this world?"

"Tony, don't stay that."

"It's true."

"That's a self-destructive spiral and you know it."

  
"I thought you were my chauffeur, not my therapist, Jesus, Hap."

  
"A man of many talents, boss."

"That's why we pay you the big bucks, huh?"

"Yeah, I think you should call your sponsor today."

"Agree. Now, help me up."

Tony and Happy sit on the bench until Tony no longer feels like the earth is collapsing beneath his feet. Tony is late for his meeting, and Happy texts Pepper to let her know they'll be late. TBC


	2. Believing In Second Chances

Steve wishes this morning could've gone better. It kept every muscle in his body from crossing that room, and approaching Tony. Tony doesn't need to be yelled at. If Tony's panicked expression tells Steve anything, they both were caught off guard and upset. Steve thinks he and Tony probably need to sit down to have a talk. He isn't sure what Wanda said to him, but it clearly spooked Tony. Steve made a mental note to talk to Wanda. He can imagine how scared and pale he looked when Steve unexpected made eye contact with Tony.

Their chance encounter was a total disaster. Steve was caught off guard. The coffee shop isn't just his workplace, but his home. Their family lives in an apartment over the shop. The kids attend a STEAM ( Science, Technology, Engineering, the Arts and Mathematics) academy around the corner. It felt uncomfortable, a violation of his safety and boundaries of the life he had created. It was probably an accident. Based on Tony's reaction, he wasn't expecting to run into Steve and the kids either.

Steve froze in place the moment he saw the hurt and confusion on Peter's face. The poor kid was so tightly wound when Steve walked him to his locker. Morgan, thankful was oblivious, and her first day went without a hitch. He tried to keep his feelings in check, being the strong dad his kids needed him to be. But the moment the kids were safe and at school, Steve ducked into the bathroom and he cried. 

Panicking, Steve dialed Sam's number, he would call Bucky. But he knows better than to tell his best friend about Tony. Bucky gets defensive and overprotective, Sam is more neutral and helps Steve make sense of his trauma based reactions. He listens to the phone connecting their call, trying to get his erratic breathing under control. His heart thumps violently in his chest, the beginning of a headache building at the base of his neck. Hearing Sam's voice helps to ground him, "Steve, what's wrong?"

"IsawTony.", Steve nearly hyperventilated, his words running together. 

"Wait, I didn't catch that. Slow down. Breathe."

"I saw Tony at Shield Coffee this morning."

"Oh man, you're freaking out, aren't you?"

"I was caught off guard. Then Peter saw him and was upset. I just panicked." 

"How are you feeling?." 

"Afraid."

"Our first reaction is almost a response to trauma. When we stop and think about our behavior, we can decide if we were being rational or logical."

"Based on what I've heard in the news, I know Tony went to AA. He got help. Sounds like he's turned things around."

"Do you believe it's possible for people to change?", Sam asked.  
  


"Yes. But what if I let him back into my life and he hurts us again?"

"That's always a risk when we love someone."

"I don't know if I could go through that again. I barely survived losing him the first time."

"What would make you feel better about this situation?" 

"Set boundaries." 

"What three things are you going to do?"

"Talk to Wanda. She said something to upset Tony."

"That's a great first step step."

"I should talk to Peter when he gets home."

"That's two. One more."

"I should reach out to Tony."

"I'm proud of you, Steve."

"Thanks, Sam. I'm still freaked out, but now I've got a plan."

"Try to do something for yourself before the kids get home to relax."

"I'll try."

"Thanks for calling, Steve."

"No problem. You're a good friend, Sam."

Steve washes his face with water, and tries to pull himself together before walking back to the coffee shop. Upon talking to Wanda, he finds out Wanda asked him to leave when she saw how upset Steve and the kids were. Steve has never acted upset or afraid around their normal patrons, and she felt like the interaction was unsafe. He can't say he blames her for misreading the situation. Wanda apologizes, and Steve make a plan of action wit her for the future. Feeling drained, Steve leaves Peggy in charge of the afternoon shift. He is thankful for his right hand gal keeping things in line just as she did when they were deployed. 

He eats a sandwich for lunch, and leaves a voice mail for Tony to call him back later. Steve spends the afternoon taking a nap, folding laundry, and keep his hands busy before it is time to pick up the kids from school. Morgan is sad to leave her teacher, and talks Steve's ear off on the walk home. Peter seems quiet, and detached, still shaken by this morning. Not even Ned could shake his mood.

Steve is thankful for the after school routine keeping him occupied. He helps the kids' make an after school snack downstairs in Shield's kitchen. Steve coaxes a smile out of Peter as they make ants on a log. They sit down with a plate of ants on a log and three glasses of milk. Steve asks about their day at school, helps them with homework, and then lets them have downtime. Before long Bucky arrives home, and Steve about how how his day went. 

Steve chooses not to tell Bucky about running into Tony this morning, keeping his answers about the kids. 

"You'll never believe who I ran into today.", Bucky said.  
  


"Yeah?"  
  


"That son of a bitch, Tony Stark."

"Watch your mouth. He's the father of my children."

"Stark and Potts offered me a job today."

"That's incredible, Buck."

"It's probably too good to be true."

"Are you going to take it?"

"On principle, I should say no."

"If it's a good opportunity, I think you should consider it."

"He wants me to work with R & D to develop medically advanced prosthetic for vets."

"Sounds like that's be right up your ally, Buck."

"I guess I'll be working for Stark Industries.", Buck sighed.

"Ever since we got home from Afghanistan, you've wanted to be an engineer and make the world a better place. This is your chance."

"Stark hurt you." 

  
"I don't think he's that man anymore."

"How do you know?"

  
"I won't know unless I give him a chance, Buck."


	3. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5u6S28iml9eQCtodqSrJiL?si=5lyz_c3mTr-es4vh6TtMNw
> 
> If you're interested, I'm sharing playlist of songs that inspired this fic.

Tony still felt shaken by the encounter at the coffee shop. It never occurred to him Steve and the children were still living so close. When Steve walked out of his life, he never fought for custody and visitation. His memories are of a vicious cycle of drunken stupors, detox, and relapses. The six months after Steve left is mostly a blur he can't piece together. Things changed after the second relapse, Tony doesn't recognize the foolish drunk man he was at his 40th birthday party. He's seen the embarrassing video circling on the internet. He woke in a hospital bed with a bad hang over, cuffed to his bed. He went through withdrawal: the vomiting, nausea, headaches, shaking, and anxiety. His mood swings were horrible, two weeks of misery. 

Sobriety brought its own hardship, perhaps the most painful: realizing the divorce was finalized. Steve and the kids gone without a trace. Tony began the hard work of therapy and recovery after the embarrassment of his 40th birthday. He never realized how bad things had gotten until that moment. By some miracle, Rhodey, Happy, and Pepper stuck with him through the worst of it. Tony spend the last two years trying to become healthy. Pepper became the CEO of Stark Industries, he began to oversee the Research and Development Department. Stark Industries became a leading force in clean energy, innovation, and medical research. Tony became sober, threw himself into his work, and made amends. But he never felt like he had the opportunity to resolve his relationship with Steve and the kids. 

He spent the whole day distracted, frustrated, unable to focus on his work. Tony eventually gives up, and goes to bed, hoping things will be better in the morning. When he wakes up, Tony checked his phone and found an voicemail from an unknown number. His eyes widen when he recognizes Steve's voice asking if he wants to sit down and talk. His heart thumps loudly in his chest.

"Hi Tony. It's Steve. Let's talk. Meet you at Prospect Park at 9:00 am. Our bench."

Tony jumps into the shower, dries his hair, and dresses himself. As a part of his morning ritual, Tony sticks his sobriety chip in his pocket. He meets Happy outside, and tells him to drive to Prospect Park. Tony tries to calm himself down on the drive from Manhattan to Brooklyn. He was going to talk to Steve for the first time in three years. It's hard not be feel overwhelmed. 

When they arrive, Tony asks Happy to drive the car around the block. He doesn't tell Happy who he is meeting or how long. The genius will call when he's ready to go home. Happy offers a soft smile, but Tony can see he has so many probing questions. Tony tries to work his nervous energy out as he walks through the park, their bench always been near Concert Grove. He finds Steve sitting there with two cups of coffee.

"I want to apologize for the other day.", Steve extends his hand to offer Tony a cup of coffee.

  
"Me too. I had no idea I was intruding.", Tony's brown eyes soften.

"Why don't we started over?' 

"Really?", Tony sounds surprised. 

"Hi, I'm Steve. Artist. Coffee connoisseur. War vet."

"I'm Tony. Recovering alcoholic. Engineer. Activist." 

"It's nice to meet you, Tony."

"Ditto Steve."


	4. Half A Man

Steve and Tony's rekindling of their friendship began slowly, navigating the complexity of their shared trauma. Their relationship has been volatile, emotionally charged and complex. At their healthiest, they are a force to be reckon with. At their worst, they're known to bicker, debate, and struggle to reconcile their disagreement. Communication, validation and compromise are core values of their relationships. Even in disagreement, Steve and Tony often reflect care, calm, and self-control. Disagreement almost almost always begins with persuasion, making their opinions, and emotions known. They validate each others emotions and opinions as legitimate, even if they don't necessarily agree.

Steve felt like he was caught in a weird, in between here and there space. Things were going well with Tony, they agreed on sitting the terms of their custody and visitation terms themselves. There is no reason to put the kids through the drama of the courtroom. Nor did Steve desire to terminate Tony's rights to be a parent. The original terms of the divorce placed the children in Steve's sole custody because of the severity of Tony's alcoholism at the time. However, Steve had always left the option of custody and visitations open for revision provided Tony's sobriety. 

Peter had been moody, detached, and withdrawn ever since the incident at the coffee shop. Even his teacher had noticed, their happy, curious boy become unlike himself. Steve was at his wits end trying to get Peter to talk to him. The usual Pops-Petey talks didn't yield any insides, and Steve felt lost. Peter had always been so much like his Dad. In moments like this, Steve wished to seek Tony's advice. 

In the weeks following their initial talk in the park, Tony was allowed supervised visitation, provided he honor their agreed upon terms: couple's therapy, family therapy, and sobriety. They would continue to discuss sharing custody, and co-parenting. Tony's first supervised visit went incredibly well, they met at the Prospect Park. The family had a picnic and the kids played happily. Steve enjoyed watching Tony chase the kids, and push Morgan on the swing. He had always been a doting father and adored his children. Morgan adored Tony, asking him ten thousand questions about the universe. Peter had seemed lighted, happier that afternoon. Yet as soon they arrived home, Peter's sour mood returned, and Steve couldn't get Peter to open up. 

About a week after Tony's first visit, Steve got a phone call from the school. Peter had gotten into a fight at school with James Hammer. It was so out of character for Peter. Steve weighed his options. He had a feeling Tony was the key to understanding Peter's mood. Unsure, Steve picked up the phone and called Tony. They agreed to met at school to talk to the principal. Steve hadn't told anyone except Sam about their temporary trial of co-parenting. 

It was the first time Tony and Steve had shown up as united front for Peter in a long time. They met outside Principal Fury's office, and his vice principal, Hill invited them into the conference room. Steve made eye contact with Peter's homeroom teacher, Dr. Banner. Peter was in the hall way awaiting further discussion on his behavior and consequences. 

"Mr. Rogers. Mr. Stark." 

"Principal Fury. Vice Principal Hill."

"I'll cut to the chase. Peter got in a fight with James Hammer."

"That doesn't sound like Peter at all."

  
"Has there been any changes at home recently?", Fury's eyes drift to Tony. 

"I've noticed Peter's behavior having dramatically shifted in the last few weeks.", Steve admits, looking at Tony. Under the table, Steve offers Tony a reassuring squeeze on his arm. 

"What might've prompted this shift?"

"As you might know, Mr. Rogers and I divorced three years ago. We unexpected encountered each in public, which led us to discussing terms of co-parenting and reconciliation."

"Ah. I imagine this hasn't been easy on Peter."

"I've had a difficult time getting Peter to open up to me. We've scheduled a family therapy session for Friday."

"I will not tolerate fighting on school grounds, Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers. Given the situation, I will require two days of after-school detention. " 

"Thank you, sir."

  
  


"Consider this a warning." 

"Of course. That's more than fair."

"Please keep Vice Principal Hill and Dr. Banner apprised. They can help keep an eye on Peter. " 

"We'll bring Peter in speak with you in a moment.", Vice Principal Hill offers.

Dr. Banner gives them both a sympathetic look and a moment to regroup. Steve lets out a sigh, he hadn't realized how tense and tired he felt from struggling with Peter lately. Tony is uncharacteristically quiet. Steve can see the internal struggle going on inside of Tony's brain. He doesn't want to push, but ins't sure he can afford not to. Everything is so new, tentative, unsure between them.

"Do you think Peter is mad at me?", Tony's voice is quiet, shy almost. 

"I don't know. He won't talk to me."

"I never tried to fix things between us."

"I just assumed if you wanted to be apart of our lives, you would.", Steve voiced. He squeezed Tony's hand this time.  
  


"Where did everything go so wrong?"

  
"When we stopped talking to each other.", Steve pauses, his voice is quiet. 

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

They pull themselves together as they hear footsteps approach. Dr. Banner guides Peter to sit in a chair across from his parents, "Peter, your fathers would like to talk with you. I'll be right outside the door, okay?"

"Okay. Dr. Banner.", Peter says quietly. 

Steve begins, "Is it okay that your Dad is here today?"

"Yes, Pops."

"We aren't mad with you.", Tony offers gently, unsure of his role here. 

"We just want to know what happened, Pete.", Steve clarifies, again offering Tony a no of encouragement. 

"I just got mad, and I pushed James." 

  
"Why are you mad, kiddo?", Steve asked, kneeling beside Peter.

"What if Dad get sick again, and we have to leave?", Peter's eyes fill with tears.

"Oh, Pete.", Steve's voice breaks. In this moment, Steve isn't sure how to lead. His confident, demeanor deflates, unsure with how you talk to an almost twelve old about alcoholism, "Remember what we talked about?"

"Dad has alcoholism. It means his brain is sick, and he has an addiction to alcohol."

"And what did I always tell you?"

"Dad is not a bad person. He just needs extra help to get better."

"That's right."

"I want you to see this, Pete.", Tony kneels beside Steve, he pulls the sobriety chip from his pocket.

"What is it?"

"It's called a sobriety chip. For the last two years, I've been working so hard to be health again."

"Are you still sick, dad?"

"I'm always be sick, kiddo. But I get a new chip to remind me that I've gone another year without a drink." 

"Will we ever have to leave again?", Peter's lip wobbles, he looks at Steve.

"I don't know. But we're gonna give Dad a chance, right?"

"Okay."

"How about a group hug, kiddo?", Steve asks.

"Dad, too?"

"Yeah. Come here." 

Peter offers a soft smile, holding onto them both close. Steve and Tony share a a soft, sad smile knowing this won't be the first challenge they face as they navigate the healing process. Steve's stomach is still in knots wondering if he did the right thing. Tony is still in awe how Steve's parenting skills, even when he was unsure. They figured out how to co-parent today, that that feels like a step in the right direction. 


	5. I Lost A Friend

From the moment Tony first laid eyes on Steve, it’s like the universe has been pulling them close. Their relationship began in 2008 when Steve’s platoon arrived for extraction. Videos of a man in rudimentary armor circulated the internet. 

The Army came marching to oversee his med evac. Captain America, his men called him, stayed at his side holding his hand in the helicopter until they arrived at the Army hospital in Kandahar.

  
Iron Man and Captain America’s paths wouldn’t cross again until 2009 at a charity event. They went to their first date a few weeks letter. By Christmas 2010, they were a couple. Six months into their relationship, Steve was deployed for his third tour of duty.

They wrote letters and exchanged phone calls. The ten month deployment long ended abruptly when an IED exploded during a routine swept.   
  


Tony knew he wanted to build a life with Steve the moment he laid eyes on his boyfriend at Walter Reed, six weeks after the IED exploded. Steve has numerous surgeries lower body to reconstruct the extensive damage sustained to his lower left body.

He walked with a cane for months. Steve still limps to this day, and experiences chronic pain. Steve’s PTSD and nightmares were just as severe as Tony’s. Things weren’t easy, but they made it work. 

  
It was hard work to heal from their trauma. But together, they build something new out of the broken mosaic tiles of their lives. The couple married in 2012 at the courthouse with Rodney and Buck as witnesses. Steve went to NYU to study art, while Tony began to transform Stark Industries still acting as CEO.

Even then Tony had been a high functioning alcoholic, always social, well liked and the life of the party. The danger of alcoholism lingered in the background. But it was manageable, Tony didn’t think it was a problem then.   
  


When Steve graduated with his heart degree in 2015, the couple decided to start a family. Using Tony’s sperm and an egg donor, the couple began searching for a surrogate.

Peggy was kind enough to be their surrogate. With fertilized embryos ready for implementation, the surrogate began taking medicine for transfer. It took three tries, but the baby stuck.

  
Peter was born on August 10th, 2016. Tony’s alcohol dependency waned, and he threw himself into fatherhood. He always had been a doting father, and a loving husband. Their lives were happy and full of first time parenthood experiences. 

Steve was content to be a stay at home dad. Tony returned to work shortly after Peter’s first birthday. The early years of Peter’s life were relatively uneventful.

  
When Peter was eight, they decide to have their second child. Morgan was born on April 13th, 2024. Shortly after Morgan's birth, Stark Industries began a world traveling tour preparing for their new launch of pacemakers, inspired by Iron man's, Arc Reactor.

Tony’s alcoholism had always been been a part of their lives, lingering in the background, waning from one extreme to another. Everything changed that year, Steve nor Tony are sure they can put their finger on when.

* * *

In addition to their own therapists and a family therapist, they see a couple’s therapist. It might seem strange for a divorced couple to see couple’s therapist, but their relationship whether dating, married, or separated is best addressed this way.

They are functioning as two parts of a whole. Two sides of the same coin. Their stories run parallel to each other, and that’s where unraveling the trauma begins. 

Tony had always felt Steve was an impenetrable fortress, yet somehow he disarmed Steve and invited in a way few people are. There was a time when Tony felt he could read Steve like an open book.

Lately, it has been an insurmountable undertaking. The genius felt like things had been going well. They were making progress in family therapy with Peter and Morgan. Steve was amicable, cooperative, and understanding.

Yet Tony felt their relationship was stilted at times.

Dr. Xavier had a way to diffusing their tension, opening them up to unpacking their baggage.

His first question was no easy no to discuss, "What do you feel like is your biggest problem with your relationship?"

Tony spoke up first, addressing the elephant in the room.

Steve is no small man, but he has wedged himself against the arm of the couch, making himself as small as possible. He wasn’t making eye contact with Tony nor Dr. X.

"It's my alcoholism, Doc.", Tony scoffed. 

"Do you tend to make self-deprecating jokes about yourself, Tony?". Dr. X asked.

"It's either that or drink, doc. We all know drinking is a bad idea."

"Have you ever considered self-deprecating humor can be a crutch?"

"Why do you think I'm in therapy? I know I'm fucked up."

"How can we re-frame these intrusive thoughts?"

"Take a number, doc.", Tony scoffed. 

Dr. X watched Steve's body language as he continued to deflate. 

  
"How about you Steve?"

Steve mumbled quietly, "Co-dependency." 

"Could you elaborate?", Dr. X asks.

" I was afraid I'd chose Tony over me and the kids. It would be so easy. I did before, why not again?"

"Can you give me an example?"

"I tolerated his high function alcoholism for years. Everyone saw him as this doting father, incredible husband and leader of innovation. Hell, he was Times' Man of the Year in 2025. How could I leave him when he needed help? People would look down on me. I didn't even know if I could support the kids or be a single parent. I put him over our kids, even when I was diagnosed with Paternal Postnatal Depression Disorder."

Tony's eyebrows furrow together, "I never knew that." 

"I was diagnosed when Morgan was six weeks old."

"You never told me."

"Doesn't matter.", Steve borrowed deeper into the couch. 

"Steve, your body language suggests otherwise.", Tony points out.

"Forget it."

Dr. X stops writing notes, his hand rests on his chin, "Steve, why do you feel like you want to run out of the room?"

"Either of you will be able to look at me if I tell you the truth."

"Steve, you know I'd never judge you."

"I c-can't...." 

"Let's pause for a moment, Tony. Give Steve a moment."

Steve's eyes are teary eyed, "The reason I left. My Paternal Postnatal Depression got to a scary, dark place, around Morgan's first birthday."

"This is a safe place, Steve.", Dr. X reminded him. 

Steve shuddered, his voice wobbled, "O-One evening after Tony arrived home from a conference wasted. I had a rough day, Morgan was teething and Peter was clingy. I was tired, and all I wanted was a break."

"What happened?", Tony asked shame heavy in his voice.

"You're going to hate me."

"I could never hate you."

  
Tears filled Steve's eyes, he sniffled struggling to find his place as he recalled the story., "I loaded the kids in the car. With the garage door closed, I imagined letting the exhaust filling the space until we couldn't breath anymore. I thought about taking my own life and the lives of my children, an mercy compared to the nightmare we were living."

Steve's voice broke, tears streamed down his face. He sobbed into his hands, wiping the snot on the back of his shirt. He crumpled into the couch, making himself small and Steve seemed so unsure.

"I'm so sorry, Steve.", Tony's voice was soft.

"I didn't see any other way out."

"What happened next Steve?"  
  


"I found a business card in the car. A help line, they specialized in helping single parents and children escape alcoholism. That night we were taken in by a local angel, and I got the emergent mental health care I needed.", Steve shivered violently, he was so overwhelmed by emotions. 

"Steve? I'm so sorry.", Tony reaches for him. 

"Don't!", Steve recoiled from his touch. He's nearing panic at this point, pupils blown and breathing wild.

"Steve, Steve, hang in there with me. It's 2027. You live in an apartment with Bucky. Morgan is three and Peter is 11. They are safe. You are safe."

"I think I'm gonna throw up.", Steve paled. Dr. X pushed the trashcan closer. Steve gagged, but didn't vomit. Poor guy looked awfully pale. 

Tony and Dr. X give him some breathing space as the blond man curls into a ball. Steveis still for a long time, trying to remember his ground skills.

He begins to take a deep breath, naming and describing five items in the room. Eventually, his limbs relax until Steve is as limp as a rag doll against the couch. 

"I think we're done for today.", Tony announced. 

  
"I agree. But you aren't off the hook, Tony. I want you to think about your self-deprecating humor and whether it is a barrier to your recovery or not.", Dr. X settles with a firm edge in his voice.

"Yes, sir.", Tony says sincerely when he catches Steve's soft, sad eyes. 

They walk to the car in long silence. Steve's body feels like jello, and he's thankful they decide to come together in one car. He hands his keys to Tony, still uncoordinated and unsure. Steve feels incredibly drained as he settles into the passenger's seat.

It's Tony who breaks their quiet awkwardness, "You have always been and are much braver than me."

"I told you today that I was ready to take my life and our children's lives."

"You could've. But you didn't. "

"It doesn't feel brave."

" You got help. You left. That's brave, Steve."


	6. Don't Give Up On ME

Their dynamic changed after the last session with Dr. Xavier. Tony began to ask Steve how he was doing, offering extra support and care. At first, Steve was shut off and detached. When he realized Tony was being genuine, again Stark could bypass his defenses.

Steve’s mental health had been well managed with medication and the skills he learned in therapy. Occasionally, his symptoms flared and Steve had a bad day.

Tony woke on a Saturday morning to his phone ringing at 7 am. Peter sounded concerned and unsure, “Dad? Papa is sad.”

“What do you mean, kiddo?”

“He won’t get out of bed. Papa is lying there staring at the ceiling.”

“I’ll be right there.”

Tony got dressed quickly and had Happy drive him to Steve’s Brooklyn apartment. He found the door unlocked and Peter waiting for him. It felt weird to step foot in the coffee shop again. Peter led him up the stairs to the upstairs apartment.

“Are you okay, Pete?”

“I’m really worried about Pop.”

“That’s a normal feeling when we care about someone we love.”

“He hasn’t gotten sad like this in a long time.”

“You did the right thing calling for help.”

“Won’t Pop get mad?”

“I don’t think so, kiddo.”

“Can I have a hug, Dad?”

“Sure.”

Tony gives Peter a reassuring hug, stroking his hair.  
Once Peter felt okay to let go, they walked upstairs.

Morgan was coloring a picture in the living room. Tony stopped to check in with her, making sure the kids were okay.

“Hi Morgan, what are you doing?”

“Making a picture for Papa.”

“That’s a great idea.”

“He’s sad today.”

“How does that you feel?”

“I don’t like it when Papa is sad.”, Morgan’s lip wobbles.

“Why don’t you keep coloring and I’ll go talk to Papa?”, Tony kisses her forehead, offering quiet reassurance.

“Okay.”

“Atta girl.”

Tony finds Steve in a dissociative state, staring into space. His heart aches at the dried tears on Steve’s face. 

“Steve?”

“Tony?”, Steve whispers.

“Do you know what the year it is?”

“2027? Peter is 11, and Morgan is 3. We live in Brooklyn. We are safe.”

“That’s right.”

Tony toes his shoes off, and climbs into bed beside Steve. They lay across from each other like two open parentheses. The couple lies their for a while, and Tony begins talking to Steve quietly.

“I know what I didn’t want to admit in our last session with Dr. X.”, Tony whispered.

“What?”, Steve whispered.

“Shame. I don’t know how to live with the way I destroyed our family.”, Tony squeezed his eyes shut.

Tears prick in Steve’s eyes, “Remember what you told me?”

“What?”

“It’s brave to get help.”

“That’s right.”

Steve moves to lay his head on Tony’s chest, letting himself be held.Tony didn’t realize how touch starved Steve was. Jesus, when was the last time someone held him? 

  
  
“Peter called me.”

“The kids are probably worried.”

”They are concerned.”

”Understandable.”

”You dissociated. Does that happens often?”

”It doesn’t happen often anymore.”

”What triggered it?”  
  


”Our therapy session with Dr. X. Nightmare. Pain flare up. Anxiety.”   
  


“How can I support you?”

”Make me eat something, and take my meds.”

  
“Aye, Captain.”  
  
  
Steve relies more heavily on his cane as he gets out of bed. His hand shakes unsteadily, but he makes it the kitchen table. The genius quietly drapes an electric blanket over his lap to help with Steve’s achy body.   
  


Tony enlists Peter’s help to make chocolate chip banana pancakes. Morgan offers crayons and paper to Steve, he accepts. Even with his shaky hand, he still manages to draw a master piece.   
  


Before long, the family of four settles around the table for breakfast. Steve takes his meds with a glass of orange juice.  
  


Tony decides to be the kind of partner and parent who shows up. He’ll be the man he wasn’t two years ago when Steve and the kids walked out.

It isn’t easy to navigate the battleground, hidden pressure points and explosive devices beneath the soil. All Tony knows to do is to keep fighting.


End file.
